Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Of Arcane Wine Gadgets and Wine Tasting

Somewhere in the not too distant future, a man bringing his wife out for a romantic dinner will chance upon a highly-rated restaurant in their neighborhood. Entranced by the gleaming, modern interior, the young couple decide to give it a try. Hoping to impress his wife, the husband orders an expensive wine using a tablet device provided by the waiter (printed menus have become so passé). The sommelier then sweeps in wearing an impeccably pressed uniform and trailing a faint whiff of Romanée-Conti. That’s when the fun begins.

"Thank you for joining us this evening sir. I notice that you have selected the Chateau Pretentious to accompany your meal. An excellent choice. May I recommend a glass to suit your wine?" The husband, somewhat confusedly, nods his head. "We have a collection of over twenty types of glasses. For your wine I would choose either the Riedel Sommeliers Bordeaux Grand Cru or the Spiegelau Vino Grande Bordeaux. Both are designed to enhance the subtle nuances of your wine and deliver greater drinking pleasure." The husband chooses the former as it is easier to pronounce and the sommelier efficiently delivers both wine and glasses to the table.

"How would you like your wine to be seasoned Sir?" "Seasoned?" asks the husband. "Yes sir, it's the newest trend in drinking wine. Just like how the flavour of food can be enhanced by a dash of salt or pepper, now we provide customers such as yourself the option to alter the taste of wine according to your preference. The tools that make this miracle possible use either frequency technology, metal alloys or magnetic fields."

The husband is starting to sweat. This discussion is definitely venturing into realms arcane. "Uh lets try the metal alloy thing." From a deep recess of his apron, the sommelier whips out a small device shaped like a comma. "Every second this is immersed in your wine, it ages the wine by a year." "That's amazing!" says the wife. "Lets see what this wine will taste like in 30 years!" The sommelier duly pours out two glasses and dips the device in each glass for exactly thirty seconds. The couple taste the wine and look at each other. It certainly doesn't taste like the wine had been aged for thirty years, but they are reluctant to override the sommelier.

"Ah, here come your appetisers now," says the sommelier. "I'll leave you to enjoy your dinner." A bustling waitress carrying a tray of food comes over to the relieved couple. "Would you like to have any other drinks?" she chirps. The husband and wife decide to play it safe and order water. 

"Certainly; we have tap, distilled, artesian, mineral, spring..."

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