The Real House Wines of FIFA World Cup 2014

Bleary-eyed football fans across Singapore are slowly coming back to reality. Tears of joy have been shed, hopes have been dashed, and the National Council for Problem Gambling found out that betting on an ad campaign can be risky business (that’s the real lesson here, folks). New viewership records were set in several countries, a fact that should please sponsors such as Taittinger and Budweiser.

It got me to thinking, what wines best capture the footballers’ defining moments? And so, like those many “What X are You?” quizzes that have been popping up on Facebook, Éclaircissage presents The Real House Wines of FIFA World Cup 2014.

1. Luis Suárez & Chateau Diana Zombie Zin



The World Cup uncovered many talents, but Suárez's talent for post-apocalyptic survival was one of the highlights. This is a guy who knows what he wants and goes for it with teeth bared. This guy is out for blood, and if that's not readily available, then a glass of Zombie Zin will do in a pinch. According to the producer, the flavours of this wine are complex and rich, sporting succulent blackberries, powdered cinnamon, cola and cherry jam. Pairs well with Italian footballers. His transfer to FC Barcelona should help give that team some bite, although critics may find his €94 million fee a bit hard to swallow.

2. Mario Götze & Strut Well-Heeled White


Mario Götze must be feeling on top of the world after scoring the goal that won Germany the World Cup, but even non-football fans would have noticed the stunning blonde locking lips with him immediately after the win. Lingerie model Ann-Kathrin Brömmel bears more than a passing resemblance to Canadian winemaker Strut's Well-Heeled White, made from Sauvignon Blanc, Chardonnay and Schönberger. They're both fresh, stylish, and have stunning legs.
3. Luiz Felipe Scolari and Giant Mistake 


After the drubbing Brazil received at the hands of Germany, where they lost 1-7 on home soil, it was clear that someone had to take the blame. Scolari and his coaching team were the fall guys, even though he leaves with a record of 19 wins, six draws and four defeats. Lets hope that he will be remembered for more than his Giant Mistake.